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Hello, welcome to the pretty decent podcast. My name is Lexi Merritt and I will be your host for this little experiment. I'm the founder of the pretty decent internet cafe, which is a digital community space for creative thinkers. And I've spent the last year and a half or so give or take, building out our private membership, the study unit before that I was a digital strategist and executive assistant, a freelance writer and elearning, producer, and on camera host for a bit in high school. And basically a whole bunch of other little things that all add up to say that I am a creative person who is trying to make a living in a world where, you know, health care isn't free. I really didn't want to start a podcast mostly because I never used to listen to them. I've been working from home since 2017, which was only really my first year out of college. So I haven't had a commute in almost four years. But since living alone, I've been finding myself turning to podcasts more and more while I do things like do the dishes or take a shower or take my daily walk. And I've been really finding myself looking forward to listening to these creators and thinkers and storytellers to kind of give me that moment of connection. And so yeah, this is me taking the leap. I also, you know, I'm a really big fan of uncomplicated content. And I tried to do YouTube over the summer, as in pretty decent, we did this slow content challenge where we all had a creative project, we're going to make content slowly. And I chose YouTube as my project and I made a couple. But it was not uncomplicated. You know. And so I'm kind of experimenting here to find out if it's easier to make podcasts than it is to make YouTube and instinctively, I can already tell that it's going to be considering I can read my notes right now and not have to worry about putting makeup on, which is pretty sick. So as this is the first episode, I want to give you I guess an idea of what you can expect to hear or learn in future episodes. But the truth is, I don't even really know yet. I do know who I make things for, and that is creative thinkers, and particularly creative thinkers who want to work for themselves. I identify and really love being in community with people who value things like autonomy and self direction, and free time and rest. And so if that sounds like you, I think you will like this podcast, and I hope that you'll subscribe and join me for the ride. But in terms of the advice you can expect to hear or strategy tips from me, the way I'm approaching this is kind of like the advice that I would want to give one of my sisters or my best friend. So you may often hear my opinion on things, keeping in mind, of course, that those opinions are always rooted in and based on my personal experiences, the books that I've read the values I hold. So if something I say doesn't resonate with you, I hope that you'll just release it and let it not apply. And that also means it's not always going to be you know, the things I share aren't always going to be things that I myself have completely gotten the hang of. One of the things I'm proudest of is that I really have built a business where I don't have feel like I have to be the expert in the room all the time that I'm allowed to be in the thick of it with my clients and my members and my friends. So I'm here to learn just as much, and honestly probably like three times as much as you all are. And I'm really looking forward to being in conversation with some really smart people, and sharing those conversations and insights with you all listening at home. So if that sounds good, then we will just get right into it. And in very meta fashion, which is my favorite way to be. I want to take this first episode as an opportunity to talk about starting and how starting works. So I'll see you for the first episode right after the theme music, which I am not settled on yet and may be different by the time you listen to episode to see you in a second.
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So in this episode, I want to talk about the very first question that comes up when we think about exploring a creative project. This is also typically one of the biggest creative blocks that I see with the people that I work with. And it is of course that question, how do I start? When we think about doing something, whether it be starting a podcast or getting back into the gym or taking up knitting or ceramics, a lot of us can quickly feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of tasks and energy that goes into starting. I think this is why it can feel so overwhelming to hear advice. That's like just start
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You know, and that's on me, that's advice that I myself have shared, and made little Instagram quotables of, without really considering the impact that it might have on somebody truly in the beginning phases of their journey. I think for those of us who have already started and are on that path, you know, specifically in this instance of entrepreneurship, it's easy to look back and see that that is the truth that it really did just take a starting point and to get moving. But for people at the very beginning, it doesn't really feel that helpful. And so in this episode, what I hope to do is really share some advice based in research that I hope might actually be helpful. And, you know, side note, I also think that one of the reasons it's so hard to start is that we put a really unnecessary emphasis on consistency without creating systems to support consistency. But that can be ran for a different podcast. So the case I want to make for you today is that you have already started, even simply by having an idea in your head of what you want to spend your time doing, or what you want your life to look like, you have taken the first step, which is creating a vision. Now I'm not super, let's say well read manifestation. But intuitively, I think this is why when people talk about manifestation, they say things like, if you can see it and smell it, and picture it fully in your head, then it's already yours. Because to be able to see a vision and to have a vision for your life means that you know what direction you're headed towards. And that's a really big deal. So when we look at some of the research around action, what we see often is this idea of wish fulfillment, those of you who know me already will know that I am obsessed with fulfillment, it's one of my favorite words. It's the foundation of pretty decent, it's what all my research is directed towards. It's what our membership was designed to help creative people find. So this concept of wish fulfillment really gets me going. But basically, you know, people have been studying action and goal setting for a really long time all over the world. One model for this that really resonates with me is called the Rubicon model, which is named after apparently the story of Caesar crossing the Rubicon River, and is basically this metaphor for the idea that when we set a goal and start towards it, there does become a point of no return. And in the Rubicon model, which came about in the late 80s, there are four phases of taking action. And bear with me, it's going to get a little research paper here for a second, and I'll put the citation in the show notes for this episode. So in this model, there's a pre decisional phase, a post decisional, but still pre actional phase, the actual phase, and then finally, the post action phase. So the pre actional phase is quote, characterized by wishing and deliberating How sick is that there is a whole phase of wishing and daydreaming and thinking about what you want. That's a whole section of goal setting, and action. So from there, we tend to weigh our options, we evaluate how desirable we think the outcome might be. And we measure how much we think we might enjoy the process of working towards that goal. And that part's really important. Does it even sound pleasant to strive toward your wish? For me, this might, you know, relate to my wish of running a really successful company. One path or decision that I could have made is to go look for fundraising, do pitches network, try to find backers. And the reason that that's not the path that I took is because that's not actually how I want to spend my time. So this all really relates back to my favorite question ever, which is, what do you secretly want to do all day. And when we do decide, yes, that this goal is the one and want to experience what it's like to try and fulfill this wish, that's when the wish, literally, this is from a research paper, that's when the wish becomes an intention. The goal quote becomes an end state that the individual feels committed to achieve. And so this is the point personally that I start mood boarding mood boarding is intention setting. I'm mood board mood board mood board, I'm on Pinterest, I'm cutting up old magazines, I'm fully in it, because I can see it now. And I want it and I've made a decision to strive for it. And for me, a mood board helps me remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. So this is also the point after we've had a wish, decided that that wishes the one we want to work toward and then made the intention to start taking action. This is the point where we start planning almost nothing is achieved all at once right even Dinner takes several specific actions. So just because I think about spaghetti and go oh, I want to have spaghetti tonight and then make an intention.
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tend to have spaghetti for dinner. That doesn't mean that my to do list that I'm planning is simply make spaghetti. In reality, my to do list is, you know, maybe I'm making a red sauce, maybe I'm just using a jar. But at the very least I'm boiling water and I'm salting the water and I'm putting the noodles in the water. Maybe I even had to go to the grocery store beforehand, you know, I'm saying the intention that we have fuels the actions that have to take place in order for us to fulfill the wish that we started with. Now, this is a really cool part, whether or not we actually get up and put the water on the stove and do the thing, aka, enter that actual phase, that depends on something called the lesional strength. This is how strongly you feel committed to reaching that goal. And get this it really is a strength. So the more that you attempt things, the more than you exercise and build volitional strength. And you know, same alternatively, the more you ignore your wishes, or tell yourself, you're going to do something and then don't do it. Your volitional strength can weaken over time, the same way a muscle would. And so for me, that's a reminder that just trying in and of itself is worth it. Even if I don't make any what, what feels like I don't make any progress. Or even if I don't see results, wide it right away. When I think of taking action as like reps as strength building in and of itself, just from trying, I'm building a strength, it's easier for me to do something, because then I'm inwardly focused, I'm like, I'm building a strength, I could care less how other people see me, you know, or how this shows up in real life. Now, it's not a personal failing to say that you're going to do something and not do it. i This is my philosophy, I don't think that that's true. It doesn't mean anything about who you really are. And I don't respond well, one of the things we talk about often in our membership, it's like an inside joke now with members is this idea of soft love, I don't respond to hard love, I don't respond to tough love, I respond to soft, compassionate love. And so I really have to work at having that same compassionate love for myself. And a big part of that, for me, is paying attention to the stories that I'm telling myself, and about what I'm making things mean about myself. So, you know, if all of those times that you've tried or you've said you were gonna go do something, and you just haven't done it yet. Yeah, it may have weakened that muscle a little bit, you know, or it may not have strengthen that muscle, but it's not too late. And it doesn't mean anything about who you really are. And I think having that story about ourselves is a really challenging thing to get over when we want to do something or we want to start something. And the, you know, record player in our head is just stuck looping around these phrases like I never start anything or I never finished the things I start or what's the point? I'm much more interested not in trying to change myself or, like reverse the fundamental way that I go about doing things, but in being compassionate and building systems around myself, what if you believed that the way that you do things was the best way to do it? What if there was a hidden strength and a hidden superpower in your procrastination? Now the reality is there are often real obstacles to us completing goals, you know, maybe your goal is time sensitive, and you're just not there yet. If you see, maybe you can see yourself graduating from your master's program, and starting your own practice. But the reality is, you still have two years left, you know, you just do, and that's fine. That's why it's so important to be genuinely interested and genuinely find enjoyment in the process of striving towards your goal. That is where I think fulfillment really comes from and that is the fuel that keeps us going even when we have three papers do and we're just drowning in work. In addition to you know, the wish and the intention and the planning, what we see in the research is that the situation also has to be favorable for your initiating of action. So if you're a single mom trying to pay rent and put food on your table, and your goal and your vision is that you're going to build a successful creative business. There may be genuine obstacles for to you initiating that goal time childcare resources, a quiet space for thinking may not be accessible to you. And so it's certainly not impossible. We see it happen every day. But it's also not something that I think the advice to just start can kind of dig your way out of. I think we also have to acknowledge the context of the world that we live in the exploitation and the world that we live in. And it's
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Think about how we can maybe stagger goals and build up towards the big one. Now let's say we do have a manageable goal, and we reach it. Like let's say, I say, I want to sign three new VIP day clients in January, and I do it. At that point, we enter the post actional phase, which is where we evaluate whether or not we feel like we succeeded. And I think this is the phase that a lot of us neglect the most, which sucks, because it's a really important piece of the puzzle. This is where we reflect and observe and determine whether or not this actually what we want. Maybe we get the job and hate it. Or we get totally booked out and we burn out along the way. When we don't stop to one, celebrate our successes. And to evaluate how that success feels. It's like walking in a straight line for an hour. And then wondering like how the hell you ended up in the middle of nowhere, like girl you just walked for an hour is probably fun. There's always value and walking, I think without knowing where you're going to end up. But you do still have to eventually figure out what direction you're headed in and whether that direction is somewhere you actually want to go. So what does any of this actually mean? And how do we start to me this research into action, what it says to us is that the first and most crucial place to start is to figure out what you wish for. And that to me as a creative person is so relieving. Because I know what I wish for. That's not hard for me to figure out. I mean, that's fun. That's creative, literally, that's vision and intuition and daydreaming. And chances are you've already done that, or you're fully capable of doing that, right after this episode ends. Everyone has access to wishes, we are all capable. And we have the resources that we need to dream. And we can dream with confidence that in wishing and dreaming and thinking a lot about what we want and how we want our life to feel that we are being productive. We are taking action, just by thinking about what we want. I say this all the time, but daydreaming and thinking and visioning gets so much shit from the entrepreneurship industry. Because it's like, well, you can't just sit around with your head in the clouds all day, we have so many cultural associations with people who dream. But dreaming is the first step nothing happens without the dream. So if nothing else from this episode, I hope you walk away knowing that it is safe, and it is good and it is valuable. You're creating value when you sit and let yourself dream. The other thing I do want to say here is that remember that you already have a lifetime of taking action behind you. Every time you've read a book or watched a YouTube video, done an entry in your journal, taking a walk, had a conversation, fallen down some research rabbit hole, none of those experiences ever went anywhere. They've shaped your perspective and your eye and what you're interested in and what you care about. And so be confident in that and know that all of that led to this moment and led to you being uniquely qualified and positioned to get that wish you have something that brings me a lot of comfort. I don't know why is this idea that my wildest dream, my wildest, most passionate, like, feels so out of reach dream is almost always going to be someone else on earth like most boring snooze fest nightmare. We all have different dreams and our dreams, I you know, my dreams change every night. I never saw myself doing a podcast. And now it's kind of all I wanted to help. You don't have to be rigidly committed to one path. That's not what consistency is, you don't have to decide one way you're going to go and stick to it above all else, you actually really do need to continue checking in with yourself and your internal compass and making sure that what you're headed towards is what you really want. That is the most productive and regenerative and compassionate thing that you can do for yourself and for others and for the people that rely on you. So you may have come to this episode, wanting really specific instructions on how to start your creative business. And I do hope that throughout the rest of this podcast experiment, that I'm able to dig into different types of creative businesses and different models and approaches, strategies and all that fun stuff. But I can't tell you what to wish for. And so I can't tell you where to start. But what I can do is remind you that your action relies on your inner sense of vision. That's how we sustain movement and effort. You know, who wants to spend all day doing shit they don't actually want to do you have to want the reward and you have to genuinely enjoy the idea of working towards it. Both of those things are crucial. Now some other last minute advice I have for those of you who know what you want to do, you know the uncomplicated small action you need to take and you just can't start
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One, I think you could try what I call setting a public deadline. So, for this podcast, I'm recording it Tuesday, December 7, and my intention was to release it this past Sunday. And so I posted on tick tock and Instagram and I said, Hey, I'm gonna release this episode. This is my public accountability posts, and people commented, and they were like, Yeah, I'm excited. And no, I didn't do it in time. But I definitely feel more motivated because of that pressure. I also know myself, I can't really get anything done without a time crunch, I will just dawdle and then finish it in the last 24 hours regardless, that's just how I work and I'm okay with it. So the point of that being to find what works for you think about all of the action that you have taken in this life, maybe you got a degree or you moved across the country, or you started a business, and ask yourself what contributed to and got me to that goal. I'd be willing to bet that it's community having people to talk to small uncomplicated steps one after another. And for me, knowing that there was at least one other person who cared about what I was trying to do, gym buddies, business, coach, whatever, find what works for you, and find what feels good as yoga with Adrienne would say, and don't forget to check that inner compass every once in a while and ask yourself, you know, is this still what I desire? Is this still making me happy? Does this still feel worth what I'm exchanging for it, and you are exchanging things for time, money, energy.
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And so that's it, you just got through a whole first episode together. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna literally pat myself on the back right now. Because I've been trying to put this episode out for weeks, and I've just been stalling and I had writer's block, and my microphone wasn't working and like all of the things. So I'm proud of you. I'm proud of me. And I can't wait to keep exploring ideas together. Now, this episode is not sponsored, obviously. But I do want you to know that membership in the study, which is our private membership at pretty decent is open if you feel called to seek out more community. If you want to start a creative business, or you have a creative business and you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to about it, I do want to invite you to try pretty decent out. I teach live courses. As of right now we're in the middle of a course about offer design. And once a week we meet for a strategic intuition circle where you get a chance to talk through what's been going on for you and get advice or feedback or listening ear from people that do get it and are also trying, which is a really hard thing. So yeah, that's the pitch. That will continue to be the pitch and if you're interested, you can come check us out at www that pretty decent.org/join Thanks for listening
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
